Choosing What to Cut

by Frank

Choosing What to Cut

If you’ve ever had an essay handed back that says (rather vaguely) “too wordy” or just simply “cut excess words” in sharp red letters, but weren’t sure what to cut, this article is for you.

Trimming is a general strategy for writing lean, functional papers. William Strunk Jr. in his little writer’s handbook, The Elements of Style, puts it more concisely than I ever could:

 

            "Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all sentences short or avoid all detail and treat subjects only in outline, but that every word tell." (23)

 

In three sentences, Strunk makes a short declaration, states his position and  illustrates his argument as he lays it out, makes room for a counter point and summaries his argument to four words: “that every word tell.” His paragraph actively demonstrates his theme streamlined down to the essentials.

It’s easy for your teacher to say “omit needless words,” but when you actually sit down with scalpel in hand, things can get tricky. Here are some examples of words and phrases that can be stripped away to get to the content of your paper swifter and clearer:

Wordy:                                                                                                             Sleek:

Bellybuttons, which are nature’s first scar…                            Bellybuttons, nature’s first scar…

Bob, who is a mobster…                                                         Bob, a mobster…

The fact that I was present…                                                  My presence…

The nature of his lisp involved…                                            His lisp involved…

The case of Edgar’s purloined letter…                                    Edgar’s purloined letter…

The character of the situation was dire.                                   The situation was dire.

The fact that she had won…                                                    Her victory…

Being unaware of the fact that…                                             Being unaware that…

In spite of the fact that…                                                        Though (or although)…

Owing to the fact that…                                                          Since (or because)…

The reason why is that…                                                         Because (since)…

I was unaware of the fact that…                                              I didn’t know (I wasn’t aware that…)

…call your attention to the fact that…                                                …notify (or remind) you…

That duck is a funny one.                                                         That duck is funny.

This is a child that…                                                               This child…

In a swimming manner…                                                        swimmingly…

She is a woman who…                                                                        She…

There is no doubt but that…                                                   No doubt (doubtless)

The question as to whether…                                                  Whether…or The question whether…

This is a subject that…                                                                        This subject…

Used for cheating purposes…                                                 Used for cheating…

Words or phrases to omit: which are, who is, the fact that, the nature of, the case of, the character of, in spite of, owing to, the reason why, in a ____ manner, as to, for ____ purposes.

For a general tip, try to use the active voice when eliminating too many words. Also, instead of listing a step-by-step process for something you are trying to explain, see you could condense it into a single sentence.